My dear friend's eighteen year old son just arrived home after a semester and a half of academic turbulence. At the time of this writing he has been home for about a week. He contributes minimally to the upkeep of the house and spends most of his time playing video games with his friends. His mother is a very intelligent woman who holds a master's degree in education and she is one of the most nurturing people I know. But now she is struggling with having to place responsibilities and consequences for compliance and non-compliance on her baby boy. This pains her to no end.

I have endeavored to share with her my life experiences and many of the lessons learned along the way. I have explained to my girlfriend that she needs to set clear boundaries and expectations and communicate those expectations and subsequent outcomes for compliance and non-compliance to her son in very meaningful terms. In other words, he needs to "get it!"

This method will take most of the emotion out of the equation. Please do not write me and say that it is obvious that I am not a parent because a parent can never take the emotion out of the equation when their child is suffering. What I am saying is that if everything is clearly thought out and laid out, then the struggle of making a decision and subsequent follow-through is thus predictable and expected by all involved. My dearest friend will not be visiting consequences upon her son; rather he will be visiting them upon himself. This dynamic reminds me of a component I teach in my Leadership Magic seminars.

The Victim and Persecutor roles, as described in Karpman's Drama Triangle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle), are eliminated. The role of Rescuer is all that is left. Unlike your external customer (whom you always need to rescue unless you are prepared to let them go) her son, and often those you manage, must make the decision to rescue themselves.

Many managers tell me that it is very difficult to fire a team member. This is especially true if that team member has been with the organization for a long time. My initial response is one of empathy; I understand their internal conflict. At this point it is my professional obligation to share with my client a lesson created from a model of personal responsibility to which I subscribe. You are not firing them, they are firing themselves. When a team member truly cares about you and the job they exceed expectations and in no way will ever create the above situation.

If your organization has not set clear standards for healthy operation and transparent minimal expectations for employment, I recommend you develop some immediately. Without them you may have foxes guarding your chicken coop or psychotics running the psych ward. If you do have such standards but do not adhere to them, or even worse, you enforce them inconsistently (which creates an unhealthy "Us vs. Them" organizational culture), I recommend you re-establish the Firm, Fair and Consistent model.

If your team members do not know the rules of your game no one can win! Your team members will view themselves as being set up, as walking into a trap! When rules keep changing team members inevitably become confused and will choose not to engage. Although management may perceive this as an act of blatant defiance, in reality is an act of self-preservation. When this unfortunate situation develops I invariably receive a call for Guest Service training. Perhaps this is what is needed, but from my experience management needs to look in the mirror. Inevitably, what happens within your down line is a reflection of your Leadership. More often than not the most effective and enduring results are an outcome of leadership and management training for your executive and management team. It is then and only then that Guest Service training will truly benefit your organization.

If you would like more information about the many services I provide please visit my web site at www.PsCompetitiveEdge.com.

Until next time, continue to strive for excellence!